A Day at a Car Dealership seen through a Vending Machine
I wake up every morning
at five fourty five to the smell
of a glass cleaner being sprayed
on my face. The Mexican is playing
mariachi or something like that
on the radio and I can feel the sounds
viberate on my transparent face.
Today is differt becuase
at seven fourty five the man who
stacks food in me is here because
I'm out of A7, B3, C9, D1 and D3.
He takes away the money from me
and he slips himself a few singles.
At eight o'clock, we've opened
and a very people wander in.
At ten thirty, Frank walks past me
and into the bathroom. Times are bad and
He wants to kill himself.
At ten thirty two, a large man
stuffs a dollar into my mouth
and buys some chips that he doesn't
really want.
At three past eleven, a kid
presses my buttons and I tell him
that he needs money for his selections
in two languages.
He's there until his mom calles him
away to wait with her and he smears
up the windows of a car.
At twelve nineteen, the lunch rush
begins. Eddie buys skittles and
beef jurky and he devours them quicky.
He is having an affair and his wife
is going to find out about it soon.
The people quickly buy more from me.
Afterwards, at three fifty six,
a car alarm goes off and at
three fifty eight, it is shut off.
At eight past four, a woman complains
about the popcorn being stale
and throws it away after one handfull.
Time goes by slowly.
The people meander in and out of the
dealership until closing
which is now at eight.
Everyone has gone
and it's just me with my
green words that
only want someone to
buy a snack.
I really liked the first part. At the line about Eddie having an affair, something jars. I think it's that the vending machine becomes a little omniscient. Up to this point it was believable- it was just a machine that knew humans better than humans do. Really cool idea. But at the point about the affair it's just a little to explicit.
ReplyDelete"The people quickly buy more from me" likewise seems unnecessary.
I like the ending a lot.
I was trying to show that the vending machine hears little parts of conversations which most people don't hear. I'm going to get rid of "and his wife/ is going to find out about it soon." and maybe get rid of the whole affair part and possibly change it.
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job of showing that. It was a good object to write about.
ReplyDelete