Marvin the Martian

Marvin the Martian is a kleptomanic. He is not to be trusted.

He is not to be left alone in a doctor’s office.

He will swipe the tongue depressors.

He will pilfer the vomit treys.

Marvin the Martian is a kleptomanic. He is not to be trusted.

He should be banished from the public library.

He stole Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations.

He did not know that he could download it for free.

Marvin the Martian is a kleptomanic. He is not to be trusted.

He causes problems in the mall bathroom.

He steals all the hand soap by emptying it into a paper cup.

He is promoting the flu this season.

Marvin the Martian is a kleptomanic. He is not to be trusted.

Road Runner

I was running down the street with a crowbar.

I wanted to bash Road Runner’s skull in.

I was going to finally kill and eat him.

I ran into the side of a mountain.

Road Runner dropped an anvil on my head.

He also blew me up with dynamite.

My pursuit was in vain.

Road Runner was too hard to catch.

He got away taunting me.

Coerce me into doing the Lord's work

Coerce me into doing the Lord’s work.

Force me into volunteering at the homeless shelter.

Strong arm me into helping the poor.

Lure me into teaching children how to read.

Con me into donating money to a good cause.
Dupe me into doing the right thing.

Hound me into coaching an after-school sports team.

Bully me into donating my old clothes to a thrift store.

Wear me down by browbeating me into making the world a better place.

Count Chocula

Count Chocula’s flight just landed.

He was up to his eye balls in bad ideas.

He was going to get into a whole heap of trouble.

Count Chocula showed up at your house.

He punctured the tires of your Nissan Quest van.

He broke the mirrors on your Ford Escort.

He then proceeded to light your dumpster on fire.

The firefighters arrived at the scene.

They suddenly put the blaze out.

That was after Count Chocula caused over $1,500 in property damage.